Make’n’Tell Day 5: Intangible

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Today’s make is a little different. Today I made a difference.

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About once a month, give or take, I volunteer at a local women’s health care clinic that (among other things) provides abortions. We help women and their companions get into and out of the clinic safely, and do our best to offset the gauntlet of screamers and guilters our patients have to get past in order to access healthcare. For the better part of four hours* I get called a “deathscort” and told I’m going to hell, and most offensively, I have to listen to incorrect medical information stated as fact and I can’t correct them because that’s not why I’m there.

I am there, simply, to help make accessing healthcare as painless as possible for the women who need it. Sometimes they thank me, or a companion does, or even a random person walking past. More often, they just want to get through the gauntlet of protesters as quickly as possible. I facilitate that. And I know that it matters. I know that it makes a difference to these women and their companions.

This is truly the most fulfilling thing I do outside of my family. It is also exhausting and enraging, but it is absolutely worth it. I hope that someday — the sooner the better — I’ll have to find something else to do, because women will no longer be harassed for accessing healthcare. Until then, I will keep showing up on the sidewalk.

*I hear this for four hours once a month. The clinic staff hears it every day. I have such respect and admiration for them — I can’t even imagine.

Make’n’Tell Day 4*: Worst. Muffins. Ever.

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No, for real. I made these to take to my fantabulous fellow clinic escorts tomorrow, because I’m team lead and that’s what we do. But seriously, these are on the top 10 list of most disgusting thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. Just nasty. So I’ll be buying something delicious in the morning for my team. Maybe I should bring these for the protesters.

*You may have noticed I skipped day 3. No big mystery — I just didn’t make anything yesterday (Wednesday)…I had a really full day and was exhausted. I knitted a couple of rows on a pair of fingerless mitts I’m working on, but not enough to count for mnt. I’m not beating myself up over it, just resolving to do better going forward.

MnT Day 2: Midnight Run

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You may notice that the time stamp on this post is a bit after midnight, so technically no longer “day 2” as such. But I haven’t retired for the evening yet, so I’m going to say it still counts. Edit: And then the damn thing didn’t post! But it was done and photo’ed and written. Thwarted by technology still counts.

That hot mess up there is a silk chiffon cowl. (I’ll update tomorrow with a pic of me wearing it — it’s actually really pretty. Updated!)

Cowl, worn by me
Please to enjoy my morning face. Also please note, because I feel this shows significant personal growth, there was a much better picture of me but the cowl didn’t look so great in that one.

This yarn (LB Collection Silk Chiffon) comes in one of a kind skeins, and I think this is my favorite so far (I’ve made 3. Or maybe 4.). It works up really quickly on size 50 needles, with a drop stitch row every 4th row. Also, it’s a good thing it works up quickly, because size 50 needles just suck. But! I’m happy it’s done, and I’m probably going to make more, too. They’re just so pretty!

MnT Day 1: I saw a sign

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I made a sign! I was going to make other stuff today but, well, I didn’t. So this is the official Make’n’Tell 2016 sign. I’ll change the day # every day, and maybe add more embellishments to it here and there. Ink on paper, hand lettered. My pen ran out of ink while I was coloring in the “tell.” That’s what I get for not using one of my beloved fountain pens.

Feelin’ Good

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43

Yesterday, I turned 43. It’s not a milestone birthday, but for some reason it feels like it’s going to be a big year. I made a lot of changes last year, and I’m feeling pretty good about where my life is headed. So, without further ado, here are my non-concrete goals for 43:

  • Stay on track with conditioning & practice
  • Be neater, at least in the house where it affects other people
  • Eat healthier
  • Cultivate creativity
  • Nurture friendships

Now, I know that goals really need to be concrete to be meaningful and attainable, so I’m going to take those 5 things and try to break it down into doable, concrete chunks:

First, stay on track with conditioning. This is an easy one, but it’s super important because it directly affects my roller derby life. So, the concrete bits are:

  • Exercise at least 4 mornings a week (I’m loving the Hero’s Journey right now, but when I’m done I’m going to start trying out some more of the workouts I have pinned.)
  • Go to the gym at least 4 evenings a week: Two days of cardio, two days of trainer-designed routine
  • Swim at least twice a week
  • Practice skills on skates at least twice a week besides team practice (in the kitchen until the weather gets warmer, then outside somewhere)
  • Keep up with nurse evaluations (quarterly) & free PT re-evals (6-8 weeks) at the gym

Next, be neater, at least in the house where it affects other people. Look, I’m a messy person. I just am. I constantly have piles of stuff around me. I’m a bit  extremely mercurial, so I never know what I’m going to want to read/work on/deal with next, and so I try to keep it all around me so I can grab what I want at a moment’s notice. What this means in practical terms is that there is an entire section of our couch that is unusable because it is covered in my stuff. So I need to:

  • Limit myself to a single project and single book/magazine on the couch at any one time
  • Do quick things immediately (e.g., mending stuffed animals)
  • Put away one project (or book/magazine) before getting out a new project if I want to change up what I’m working on
  • Take tools and supplies back out to the Craft Mine when I’m done using them in the house (this is somewhat weather-dependent, but I think this year we’re going to try to put a little porch/deck out there for me, which means I won’t have to deal with trying to find/balance on wobbly concrete blocks in the snow/rain/dark and that will help tremendously)
  • If I bring a project into the house and then don’t get to it (and won’t in the next day), take it back out to the Craft Mine until I’m actually ready for it

Third: Eat healthier. This one’s pretty easy, I just want to put it down in writing:

  • Eat breakfast every day. Every. Day.
  • No “dessert” on weekdays (candy/cake/hot chocolate/what have you)
  • Eat at least one fruit AND one salad or veg soup every day
  • Pack lunch at least 4 days a week
  • Lean protein + brown rice for lunch before practice
  • Drink at least one 32oz bottle of water every day

Cultivating creativity is up next, and I’ve already told you where I’m starting with that…Make’n’Tell starts tomorrow! (I’m not gonna lie — I forgot about Leap Year for a hot minute this morning and panicked because I hadn’t planned what to do for the day yet.) But there are some other things I want to do, too:

  • Publish two patterns
  • Blog at least twice a week
  • Cook or bake something at least twice a week
  • Sketch at least every other day
  • Journal at least every other day
  • Fully develop two classes and submit them to appropriate venues (and then go teach them if accepted, obviously)
  • Spend at least two hours a week in the Craft Mine (weather permitting)

What I think is going to be the hardest for me is the last one, nurturing friendships. I’ve traditionally not been awesome at this, for a lot of reasons, but I’m going to do my best because I’ve managed to find myself surrounded by several extraordinary groups of people and I genuinely want to make sure I’m giving as much as I’m getting. I’m going to do little baby step concrete goals for this one:

  • reach out to at least one friend every week, even if it’s just to say, “hi, how’re you doing?”
  • wish people Happy Birthday on Facebook (as applicable)

Whew. Looking back at this, it seems like a lot. But I really do think it’s all small and concrete enough that I can do it. And I think this year is going to be the best one yet.

 

 

Make’n’Tell, This Time With Feeling

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Lola paints
Photo credit: Jennifer Sumilang Painting at Artistic Giraffe in Hackensack, NJ — this would’ve counted if it had happened in March.

I’ve got a problem. (No, it isn’t that I haven’t been blogging. Shut up.) I have giant piles of “won’t this be awesome when I finally get to it” projects lying around. And also, yes, it’s a problem that I haven’t been blogging. Those of you who read my old blog may remember a few years ago I did what I called a “Make’n’Tell”, where I had to make something every day and blog about it. It occurred to me that a Make’n’Tell is just what I need to get those projects cleared out and jumpstart my blogging.

So, starting March 1 (because it’s the day after my birthday and what a great way to start a new year!), I’m going to be doing a Make’n’Tell. I encourage you to join me — if you don’t have a blog just share your stuff on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr or heck, call your sister and tell her about it. Whatever gets you making and sharing your creativity. Here are my rules for this go-round — feel free to tweak them so they work for you and your life:

  1. Every day of March, I will make a thing, take a picture of what I’ve made, and post about it here on the blog.
  2. I may not complete the thing in one day, and that’s okay, but I still have to take a picture and blog about it.
  3. The Make can be in any medium, including but not limited to yarn, fabric, digital graphics, food, photography, drawing, painting, etc.
  4. The Make should be either a complete work OR consist of at least 30 minutes of work on an ongoing project. I do a lot of bigger projects, and I don’t want to stop doing them, but I don’t always have time or ability to do a big project in a single day. On the other hand, if I have a small project in mind and it only takes me 15 minutes to complete it, I’m okay with that. And some days I might only have time for that one little thing. So I think that should count, too.
  5. I may not use the same ongoing project any more often than once a week (last time I tried this it petered out because I was working on a big knitting project and blogging about working on the same thing all the time is bo-RING).
  6. The Make can be similar to a previously completed project. For instance, years ago I made several dresses for my daughter. I used an original pattern and modified it pretty much every time. Each instance of dressmaking would count as a Make.

This time around, I’m going to try to focus on those big piles of projects-in-waiting, so to prepare I’m going to start making lists of all of the things I want to get done. Then I’m going to make a list of any additional supplies I need AND procure them. Possibly I will make a tentative schedule of which projects to work on which days. That should use up most of the 11 days I have until this thing kicks off.

You guys, I’m so excited about this. It is going to be FABULOUS!

My body tells me no…

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…but I won’t quit ’cause I want more — From “My Body” by Young the Giant. This is my derby theme song.

I’m just getting back up to speed after having been off skates for about 6 weeks due to a knee injury. I’ve been back on the track for about 4 weeks, but only fully able to participate for a week and a half. This past Sunday I was planning to skip practice to go with the family to NJ Comic Con, where a friend was debuting a new Sith costume that I helped make part of. Then we found out it was Meat Testing day…I didn’t think I’d get my first star, but the evaluation would give me a good baseline, and I wanted to be there for my teammates, too. So I sent Kit and the kids off to Comic Con without me, and I headed down to practice.

Eleven and a half laps into warmups, I rolled my ankle. Badly. It’s (almost certainly) not broken, and in fact I’m pretty sure this is one of those times when having weak/loose ankles may have saved me from a more serious injury, but right now (almost 24 hours later) it’s still pretty swollen and painful. So instead of getting to test with the rest of my Fresh Meat mates, I sat on the sideline and watched (and cheered — they all did so great!).

While I was sitting there, I was thinking: how much do I want this? This is my 2nd injury* (and at that point I wasn’t so sure it wasn’t more serious). Even when I was a kid I was “injury prone” so it’s probably not going to be my last. I have trouble with transitions and plows. I have no speed. I am old for just starting this sport.

But I love it. I love every second on the track, even when we’re 4:59 into 27-in-5 and I’m sucking wind**, even when we’re halfway through Build-a-Bitch and I think I don’t have another push-up in me much less another 30, even when I’ve heard, “get lower!” for the 453rd time in 10 minutes, even when my knee starts screaming in a pace line or the pack. I love it. I feel good after practice. I always, always want to give everything I have to every minute of practice.

And I love this team that I found. These women are amazing, in a myriad of different ways. They make me want to be the best me I can be, just by being them. And they never, ever fail to be encouraging and supportive. So. No matter how much my body tells me “no”, I won’t quit. Because I want more of this sport, and more of this team. <3 you, JDB!

* 2nd that’ll keep me off skates for one or more practices. I’ve also had some more minor things, like a bad tailbone bruise and my first “derby kiss” bruise when I slammed into a wall instead of turning. You know it’s a good bruise when even the seasoned vets see it and say, “What the hell did you DO!?!?!”

** Yeah, more cardio. To be fair to myself, this was 2 weeks back on skates from the knee thing, which had also kept me from doing a lot of cardio. So I’m working on it.

Je suis Paris (et al)

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IMG_20151116_105015559Let’s get this out of the way first: I am sad also for those who died in Beirut, and in other terror attacks around the world. It is all senseless and terrifying. But the news from Paris touched me in a particular way, because what happened there reminded me so much of what happened on 9/11. Not just the attacks, but the aftermath and reactions of the others in and around the city. Although I have never been to Paris, it is familiar to me through books and movies, through friends’ recollections and shared stories. I can imagine vividly what the survivors are going through.

I first heard about the attacks when I got home from practice Friday night. I iced my knees and went to bed as usual, but when I woke up Saturday it really hit me. My mind was in a turmoil and I needed to do something, but I didn’t know what. I wandered out to my studio and caught site of a skein of red, white, and blue wool that had been sitting on the corner of a shelf for months, waiting to become something. I’d originally thought it would be something for Memorial Day or Veteran’s Day, but it didn’t. When it caught my eye Saturday, I knew this is what it had been waiting for.

This cowl is easy and repetitive, and it truly doesn’t matter a whole lot if you forget one of the plain knit rows or add an extra one — no one but you will ever notice. So it’s a good project to work on when you want to sit and contemplate what is going on in the world, or send good vibes out, or you just need something to do with your hands so that they’ll stop shaking from being so angry and sad all at once that this keeps happening.

Freedom Cowl

Materials:
  • Size 17 needles.
  • App. 80yds super bulky thick-thin yarn
Special Stitch:

k1w: Insert needle into stitch to be worked, wrap yarn around needle twice, pull through as normal to complete the knit st. On next row, work into only one of the wraps, dropping the other wrap as you work the stitch.

Pattern:

Cast on 13.

Row 1: k1, work 11sts k1w, k1

Row 2-4: knit

Rep rows 1-4 until desired length, ending on row 3.

BO and join short ends.

On Veteran’s Day

~ Lola ~ 1 Comment

This was supposed to go up yesterday, but I encountered some technical difficulties. Better late than never.

Basic training photo
My basic training photo, September 1992.

As of Thanksgiving this year, I will have been a U.S. Air Force veteran for 20 years. Which makes me feel old, but also makes me realize how many years I have been dealing with conflicting feelings about my service. I entered the Air Force at the tail end of the first Gulf War and during my enlistment did a very brief stint in the sandbox (Dhahran, Christmas ’93, during Operation Southern Watch) which makes me a third-generation* war veteran. I hope it ends with me.

Globally, I hope this because war is awful and it would be wonderful if going to war wasn’t a possibility for my children due to there being no wars on. Unfortunately, I think that’s probably pretty unrealistic. But on a personal level, I hope my children never feel the need to enlist in the armed forces because my experience was traumatic and scarring, and I do not want that for them. Twenty years later, I still have nightmares and/or insomnia on days when I think too much about things that happened while I was in the military.**

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I felt able to celebrate Veteran’s Day, or announce with some amount of pride that I was a veteran. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of my service: I served honorably and have the discharge to prove it. It was that I felt more like a survivor than someone who had served her country.

Every time someone thanks veterans for their service — whether it’s an individual thanking me personally, an individual making a blanket statement thanking all vets, or a company offering freebies/discounts to vets in appreciation of our service — it reminds me that I didn’t just survive the experience, I served my country. So on this Veteran’s Day, I thank all of you for recognizing and honoring our service. It means more than you can know.

———————-

*At least third generation — I’m unaware of whether my great-grandfathers served or not. My father served in Vietnam and both grandfathers served in WWII and were career military. All of us were USAF. Well, technically my grandfathers started out Army Air Force, but both stayed in and were eventually USAF. 

**Not even necessarily traumatic events…just thinking about day-to-day things or funny anecdotes can trigger strings of thoughts and feelings that send me into a stress/depression spiral. When I went to the VA last year, it was so stressful just being in a place that is related to the military that my blood pressure, which is normally around 120/70, jumped up to 190/150.

TBT: Sprung!

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Originally published on Tasteful Diversions May 2012.

Pretty!

To give my hands and arms a rest from the massive amounts of knitting I’ve been doing lately, I decided a little crochet was in order. Something quick and easy and fun and Spring-y was just what I needed. When I came across Veronica O’Neil’s Bird of Prey I knew I’d found my project.

Obviously for Spring I didn’t want to do it in plain black (though I am definitely going to in the future — I could use a plain black shawl and this one is so easy!) and I happened to have some Hometown USA in Dallas Grey handy. I really didn’t want just plain grey, though, so I thought I’d add some colorful fringe. One ball of Monterey Lime later, there were some pretty green accents around my shawl, and it was starting to feel downright vernal. It still wasn’t quite enough, though…those long green fringes seemed to evoke stems, so I hunted up an easy flower pattern and grabbed some random bright bits and bobs and set to.

I ended up alternating green and grey fringe — all green was just way too much — and the flowers are 8 different colors. I had originally thought to put some flowers in the middle of the shawl as well, but decided I was done making flowers like it just fine like this. A couple of notes on the flowers: I found it much easier to end up in the right spot if I joined the petal color somewhere other than the beginning/end of the flower center, and I only did a single petal on each flower rather than the double given in the pattern (I just didn’t do the second repeat).

If this doesn’t say Spring, I don’t know what does.

The flowers actually took two or three times longer than the shawl, which only took me about 3 hours. 3. Hours. I know, right?!?! Because I am super slow and this was superfast. Now you see why I’m going to make one in black, too. Heck, I might make one in every single color of Hometown USA.

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